A Great Anti-Bullying Exercise

My mom sends me e-mails of anything she thinks I might like or love to use/talk about on my blog. So when she sent me this amazing story about a teacher who took the time to teach her kids about the effect of bullying, I knew in an instant that I had to share this with you. My mom found this story off of Facebook that someone had posted on a group called "Wipe Out Homophobia". There is no mention of gays or lesbians being bullied in this story, but as we all know - people of a different sexuality do get bullied which is why the women posted this story in this group. (Even if you do not agree with the gay life style, I think we can all agree that no one ever deserves to be bullied or made to feel less than human because of who they love). 

After reading this story, I encourage you to do this exercise with your kids. This exercise will show them the lasting effects bullying can have on someone. Here is the story and the activity the teacher had her class do: 

"A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told... them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children."

Hope and Love,
Becca

A Christmas Lesson from The Grinch

One of my favorite movies to watch during the Holiday season is The Grinch Who Stole Christmas that stars Jim Carrey. It's a funny movie with several wonderful messages. Some people may only see the message that you get near the end of the movie, and that is the message that Christmas isn't about the gifts or the presents. It's about being with the family and enjoying the time together. 

But the messages I loved are the more subtle ones. In the book, How The Grinch Stole Christmas you never get the back story to the Grinch and why he hates Christmas. But in this movie, you are told about how he was constantly bullied as a child. The Grinch represents every child who has ever been laughed at, and teased. He was made fun of for being green, for having facial hair at the age of eight, and overall - for being different. I'll never forget the scene in the movie where the kids make fun of him for trying to shave and the teacher starts to laugh as well. I don't agree with the Grinch becoming bitter towards the Who people because they teased him... but I completely understand why he would.

I've heard people use the phrase, "Oh don't be such a Grinch!" and it usually means, don't be so moody or have more fun. But after really thinking about it, why is being a Grinch wrong? Yes he was rude and he put up a wall to block his heart - afraid of getting hurt once more. But is it wrong to be different like he was? Aren't we all different? Isn't us being different what makes this world so interesting?

Cindy, the sweet little girl quotes The Book of Who (which is basically their book of laws), "No matter how different a Who may appear, he will always be greeted with Holiday cheer." This simple quote speaks volumes for how we should treat each other, even those we deem "different."  No matter how different someone is, they should always be treated with the same acceptance and compassion we would give others who we don't think are so different. 

This Christmas, lets remember that everyone deserves to be treated with love and compassion. This Christmas, lets remember that Jesus himself was once thought of as weird and different... to the point of where people killed him on a cross, laughing at him... taunting him... bullying him. So why would we do that to anyone else? 

Hope and Love,
Becca

National Suicide Prevention Day

 

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is facing some type of battle."

For Suicide Awareness Day I'd like to remind everyone that words hurt and they leave lasting scars on others. Think before you speak. That one comment you make could be the one thing that pushes someone over the edge and take their own life. One comment could also turn their whole day around for the better and keep them from taking their own life. Words are powerful, don't underestimate the impact of what you say to others. And if you don't think that is true, think of Martin Luther King Jr. who moved a nation to start accepting its own people by a simple speech called 'I Have A Dream'. If you don't believe that words can impact a person, ask any one who has ever been bullied or teased. If you don't believe that words can tear someone down, ask someone who has ever had a racial or sexual slur said to them. If you don't think words can affect someone psychologically, talk to anyone who has ever been verbally abused. 

Words are powerful. How will you use your words today?

Since I normally post music on Monday, I'd like to post the lyrics to a song about bullying. The song is called 'Don't Laugh At Me' by Mark Willis. 

I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me  

To those of you who have been bullied, taunted, teased or any other form of harassment; know that you are not alone. Remember that it does get better. Remember that there are people out there who love you and want you in their life. And I am one of them. Even if we have never met. Or never talked. I care about you and I want you on this Earth. 

Hope and Love,

Becca

The Doors that being Chronically Ill Open

I wrote this for Adult Congenital Heart Association  and their blog and I wanted to share it with you guys! I want you to remember that bad things will happen to you throughout your life - but good times are just around the corner. 

Here is my entry: 

This past Tuesday I went to speak to a local sixth grade elementary class about bullying. I talked about how people would call me lazy for using the elevator instead of the stairs, how people would call me ugly because of my scar, and how kids in middle school locked me in a closet and refused to give me my medication. I wanted them to know that bullying is never OK and that before they made assumptions based off of how people look, they need to take a step back and realize that there is more to someone than what meets the eye.

Once I finished my speech, I opened it up to questions. I got a lot of questions about my health, which was fine by me. I want to help spread awareness about CHD. I get a lot of the same questions every year. “Do you swallow all of your pills at once?” or “Have you ever tried to walk up stairs?” and the crowd favorite, “So have you ever, like, died?!”

But one question took me by surprise, one that I hadn't heard before. It was a boy in the back who had made a comment earlier similar to: “Why would they even pick on you?” I could tell by the way this kid spoke that he probably had some learning difficulties. And every time he raised his hands, the kids would mumble under their breath or roll their eyes. But his question really got me.

"Do you ever wish you hadn't been born the way you are?"

I had to blink away tears at this question. Not because I was offended or anything like that. No, it was because I have a feeling that this boy at times wished he hadn't been born the way he was. He probably has spent nights crying over what kids say and do to him just because he has a learningdisability.

I wanted to give him hope. I wanted him to know that even if you are born with a defect or a learning disability, life can still be fun and full of joy. So I shook my head and I told him, no, I don't wish that, and I truly meant it, too.

While having CHD has brought on bullying and completely terrifying moments in my life, it has brought some great joys, too. If I hadn't been born with CHD, I wouldn't have been adopted by the amazing family I have today. I wouldn't have volunteered at the preschool in elementary school during lunch recess and started to learn American Sign Language from the teacher. I wouldn't have joined the sign language choir I am in now. I might not have gotten into writing, which has been so therapeutic for me. I wouldn't have gotten to go to camp with all my CHD friends and make friendships that will last a lifetime.

Yes, CHD is a difficult, scary, sometimes sad thing to live with it. But it has and can bring joy into someone's life. So next time you start to look at all the doors CHD has closed for you, look at the ones it has opened too.

Hope and Love, 

Becca 

Bully Talk

Every year since about Freshman year of high school I have gone to my older sister's 6th grade class and I have spoken to her students about bullying and my experience with it as I grew up. I tell them about the time in 3rd grade when a girl threatened to punch another hole into my heart, the time in 6th grade when a street performer in San Francisco made fun of me for having to sit in a stroller because I was too weak to walk and I tell them about the time in 8th grade when these girls locked me in a closet at a birthday party and refused to let out or even give me my inhaler. I explain to the kids that words hurt and effect people long past the time that the words have been said. I tell them that they have the power to either positively influence someone's life or negatively. I also told them that if they see bullying they need to stand up against it. If they sit there and let it happen - they are just as bad as the bully. I explained to them that they will never ever regret doing the right thing. At the end of it all, several of the girls came up to hug me and share their story with me. I hope that by doing these talks I can help to minimize how many kids get bullied and I hope that for those who are bullied - they now know that they are not alone and that it does get better. 

Hope and Love, 

 Becca 

Film Friday!

Hey guys, 

I wanted to share this trailer for a movie with you. This movie is about bullying and the rising epidemic in this country.We need to take an active approach to end the viciousness that goes on in our schools, on the internet, on the bus and in the locker rooms every where across America. 

 It is rated PG-13 however it is a movie that kids of all ages need to see. The PG-13 rating is for the language used by the bullies. When I saw the film there was only one or two scenes that used foul language but as long as the kids known not to use the words; this film shouldn't cause a problem. A lot of the language used, kids hear every day on the playground, at recess or in the lunch room. Encourage your kids to not use the words or to bully.

Pass this video, this message, these stories along. Help make a difference in a child's life by choosing to stand up for what is right. 

You can join the movement to end bullying here: http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html 

Love,

Becca 

Musical Monday!!

Hey guys,

I'm going to be trying something new for this blog. Every Monday I am going to post lyrics to a song that I find has a great message or meaning. Music has always been something I enjoy and helps me to relax. When I was in sixth grade and on a ventilator, my mom brought in a small radio into my hospital room. Even though I couldn't hear the music, she turned it on and tuned it to my favorite station; Camel Country 108. The nurses told my parents how nice it was to walk into a hospital room and hear some upbeat music. They said having the music playing gave my room personality; it showed my personality even when I couldn't.

Music can touch us all in so many different ways. It can inspire us, make us smile, make us want to dance and can even make us cry. Music can speak the words that we are thinking and feeling even when we can't. It is one of the few thing that can unite us all despite our differences. Whether it is country, pop or rock; music has made an impact in all of our lives.

Here is a country song that has made a positive impact in my life. I first heard this song on the radio a few years ago and now whenever I give a talk about bullying, I sign this song to the students.

"Don't Laugh at Me"

By: Mark Wills

What songs have you listened to that really spoke to you? What songs have inspired you?

Love,
Becca

Good and Bad News

Hi Everyone,

So I have some good news and some bad news. I'll start with the bad news that way we can end on a happy note. =D 

Lately I have not been feeling very well. I am tired, coughing constantly, short of breath and just all around - not feeling at my best. We have gone to the doctor twice now and each time they said that my lungs sounded fine. We took an X-Ray and they said that looked good too. So I got an ECHO yesterday, just to make sure that the function of my heart is doing okay. The doctor who looked at it said nothing stood out as worrisome so that is nice, but it still doesn't give us any answers. I am on some steroids to help, but so far I still don't feel very good. I have missed several days of math class - so I have withdrawn from that class. However, I am still in my biology class, English and Psychology and I am doing well in all of those classes. 

Now for the good news. A few months ago, I heard on the radio an advertisement for a non-profit organization asking for speakers to talk to kids about their experiences with bullying. I heard back from the woman today and I had a phone interview just a few minutes ago. I talked to her about growing up with my congenital heart defect, being bullied and even just the snide remarks strangers make because they don't understand why someone who looks so healthy can't even walk up a flight of stairs. Nothing is for sure yet, but the woman I spoke to said she loved my story and that she would leave a note for her supervisor to contact me within the next two months or so. She said that at that time they may not have an opening for me to fill but they would make sure to keep me on file for when they needed another speaker. She also told me that if I were to get the position, I would have to go to training twice a week for about four to six weeks then after that I would give a speech once or twice a month; I would get paid for this including the time spent in training. I am so excited and I can't wait to hear back from the woman!!!

Hope and Love, 

Becca   

Doctor Office Bully

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it has been a while since my last post. Not a lot has happened lately, but I do have a story that I’d like to share with you all.

Last Friday I went to my allergist to get my allergy shots; and I took a seat across from a boy and his mom and sat beside the brother. I was looking at my phone when another boy and his mom walked into the doctor’s office and headed for the front desk. The boy who just walked in had braces on both his legs and his voice sounded a bit different. I have seen him before so I said hi and gave them a wave and they started to talk to the nurse at the front desk, signing in and all that. The nurse told them they could go to one of the rooms and wait for the doctor, so they walked past the other two boys, their mom and I once more to get to the room. The boy sitting across from me starting to laugh, now I’m not sure if the boy walking by heard or not; but I hope that he didn’t. The boy sitting beside me, the brother asked him, “What’s so funny?” and I couldn’t help but smile at the tone of voice he used with his younger sibling, clearly trying to get a message across. The boy across from me told his brother and mom about how the boy who walked by reminded him of a boy in his class who was in a wheelchair. He then went on to explain how the boy in his class has a “gay voice.” (Whatever THAT means.) And that he and his friend were sitting there during his presentation; laughing. I was shocked by the fact that his boy seemed to be bragging about the fact that he was making fun of the boy at his school, and the boy who had just walked by. I looked over at the mom, expecting her to do something. Not looking up from her magazine she asked, “What did the teacher say?” And the boy replied: “Nothing. My friend was laughing at my reaction and I was laughing at his so there wasn’t a need to stop us.” A rocket scientist isn’t needed to figure out that that is NOT what those two boys were laughing about. But apparently the mom thought it was perfectly okay for her son to make fun of kids and be a bully because he continued to talk and she never once told him to stop it. I’m not sure what appalled me more, the things the boy was saying or the fact that the mom sat there and laughed with him. I wanted to say something, but I knew that if I did; the mom most certainly wouldn’t back me up and the last thing I wanted to do was start a huge fight in the middle of the doctors’ office. So I looked up from my phone and gave the boy the sternest and most disgusting look I have probably given anyone before in my life and just shook my head at him. That made him stop talking. When my mom came to pick me up that day, I was almost in tears as I told her the story; it wasn’t until later that night that I started to cry about it. What the boy and mom did was horrific and cruel, but it also made me realize that if that boy can’t even go to the doctor’s office without being made fun of, I can’t even begin to imagine what he goes through on a daily basis at school. I would just like to take this blog post to remind you all that words are powerful and they can cause so much pain and suffering in someone’s life. For all the parents reading this, take the time to sit down with your kids and teach them that laughing and teasing someone just because they are different is never okay. Encourage not just your kids but the people in your life to be a kind, understanding and loving person because no one deserves to be made fun of. No one.

Love,

Becca 

Ignorance and Darth Vader

Hi Everyone,

I bet you all notice that my blog looks a little different. Well thanks to my friend who shared a few sites with me I was able to find a pretty layout and a few cool

graphics to add to my blog. I hope you guys like it.

I want to share a story with you that happened to yesterday. I get picked up after school every day in the front parking lot of my school and I usually sit outside at a table with five other people. Two out of the five are Hispanic, one is African American and the two others like me, are Caucasian. We all get along really well and really like one another.

However yesterday a boy; we will call him Racist and Ignorant Freshman or R.I.F, came by our table with two friends of his. All three of them stood beside our table while my friend (we will call him Bob) was on the phone with his mom, talking in Spanish to her.

Well R.I.F thought it would be funny to start saying things in Spanish while my friend talked on the phone. R.I.F would yell out "No Taco Bell! Me want taco. Si! Si!"

First let me say that racism is never okay. But to add to this, it was not like Bob and R.I.F were even friends where Bob would know that the kid was joking. It was clear to all of us sitting at that table that R.I.F was indeed racist.
So I looked across the table to my other friend who was also Hispanic, and I could tell it was bothering her. So I said as loudly as I could; "Don't you just hate racist people?" He either didn't hear or didn't care. I think it was most likely the latter. R.I.F keep yelling as Bob covered one ear, trying to be able to hear his mom on the other line.

I had had enough of it and I could tell that everyone else at the table was growing uncomfortable. So I turned to R.I.F and told him "You need to shut up." In which I got the response: "What did you say to me?"
"You heard me. I said shut up. You're being racist." I retorted as the kid moved around the table to come stand beside me. By now everyone was quiet, including Bob who had hung up the phone.
"I was talking to my friends." R.I.F lied.
"Oh really, that's why you were looking directly at my friend as you made fun of his accent while he talked to his mom on the phone in Spanish?"
"I'm fluent in Spanish. I'm in Spanish 3- 4." 

I wanted to ask him: 'What does that have to do with anything?!' Instead I gave him the sweetest smile I could muster up and replied "Good for you, you racist." This got the response of:
"Yea ok, well you sound like Darth Vader."
That got me. While I can stand up for others being made fun of, when someone makes fun of me; it immediately stops me cold in my tracks. I had just taken this kid for some racist, but I realized that he was much worse than that. He was not only racist, he was an ignorant know-it-all who knew nothing.
"Wow. Never heard that one before. But just so you know, I had open heart surgery and was on ventilator. My vocal cords were paralyzed as I fought to live. That's why my voice is this way." I told him. I kept my emotions at bay as best as I could, but I could feel and hear my voice quaking a bit.
"Calm down." R.I.F tells me. Before I could say anything to him in response my friend who was sitting beside who was African American turned around and yelled at him.
"NO, you need to shut up! You are making fun of a girl who almost died! You're racist and need to go away."
"I have a right to be here, I'm being picked up by my parents." R.I.F countered back.
"Yea, well no one likes you because you're racist." My friend fired back, and then a few other people joined in to tell him how they felt. Soon after that R.I.F finally did "shut up." like I told him to.

My sister came to pick me up just seconds after that and as I stood up to walk to my car, my friend Bob turned to me and told me, "Thank you Becca." And that was when I smiled and told him that it was no problem. It was then that R.I.F's words could no longer hurt me. I knew that R.I.F and others like him had no power as long as we all stood up against them. His words at first hurt me, but at that very moment I remembered why I had stood up to him in the first place, because it was the right thing to do.

People will try to tear you down for doing what is right, but you still need to do what is right.

Love,
Becca

Kids and Kindness

Hi Everyone,

I grew up in a time where the nice kids out numbered the mean kids. I grew up in a time (not too long ago.) where elementary school was a fun place where everyone was friends with everyone. It seems now though, that my little sister does not live in a time where kids are nice to one another anymore.

It has occured to me how mean kids can be and how mean they really are. It's moved beyond making fun of kids for glasses. Instead its clique of girls or boys who pick on anyone just because they are "different." While I expect it from high schoolers who think they know it all, it is heartbreaking to me to hear that it is happening in elementary school where kids are so impressionable at their young age.

When I grew up there were kids who would make comments about me or make fun of me. But my friends out numbered the bullies. But I realize that there are kids who have no friends to lean on because people in general (and the kids) have become so judgemental of one another. There is no acceptance or understanding for those who are different. I feel that one of the reasons I'm here is so I can make a change in the world. And I think one of the changes I want to make is how people treat one another. From age 2 all the way up age 100. No one should ever treat another humanbeing as if their feelings don't matter. No one should ever treat someone else as less than or un-worthy. No one is better than another person. No one.

I want to ask all the parents out there to sit down with their kids, wether they are 5 or 17. Talk to them about bullying. Tell them how much it hurts people and tell them that they need to stand up to those who bully others. Tell them that if they see a kid who is "different" that they need to be kind to that person.
There is a girl at my school who everyone makes fun of. She is a bit odd and I think maybe she has some emotional problems due to her homelife and what not. But I always say hi to her and give her a smile because I may be the one person that day who is kind to her. I may be the one person who gives her a smile and lets her know that I accept her and care for her. Whenever I see this girl I remember this quote: "Be kinder than ncessary for everyone you meet is facing some type of battle." I don't know what goes on in other peopel's lives, so I try to be as understanding and loving of people as I can be.

To the kids who are reading this blog. . . be kind to one another. Is it truly that hard to accept others for who they are? What gives you the right to cause someone else pain? How would you feel if someone was talking horribly about you, or being cruel to you? 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'


Be Kind and Understanding,
Becca

P.S. I'd like to ask you guys to share a story about bullying. Could be one that happened to you or someone you know. Share the story and get awarness out there that bullying needs to stop. We can make a difference, one story at a time.