Want to go Home

Hey guys,
Today I leave for California around 6 pm. The original plan was to have me home by Saturday at some point since my surgery was on Thursday. But my mom got an e-mail from the doctor today and she said that they want me to stay even longer. I have to spend the night on Saturday (not sure if its in the hospital or just in town.) because they want to make sure I am doing okay. I haven't even left yet and I already come home... I'm not ready for this surgery. Not ready and I don't want it. I put off packing my airplane bag until today. I keep thinking maybe if I don't pack or if I put off packing till the last minute, we won't go. But I know that won't happen. 

I'm not scared of dying because I really don't think I will. I'm scared of something going wrong and I'll have to stay there even longer than we planned. I'm scared of missing out on life again. Sixth and eighth grade I was really sick and I was in and out of the hospital so much during that time. I missed out on life and now that I am healthy, I don't want to go back to that. I feel so great that I hate even the idea of being cooped up in a hospital room. I have a job, I am in school, I have a life. I don't want to miss out on that even for a few days. I feel so normal,why can't my health just let me feel that way and leave me alone? 

Dreading Leaving, 


  1. I am praying for you right now, dear Becca! Praying for your health -- but also praying that you find joy in the hospital stay. Let it be a time of reflection on all the exciting things happening right now; use it as a time to share with your Mom; Write in a journal; and rest your amazing body. And I will pray boldly that you are not there a second longer than expected! We love you here!! And want you home soon!


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My Life As A Chronically
Ill Young Adult
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