It's not. It's not exciting or fun. I was told to think of moving to Pittsburgh as: "One big new exciting adventure!" when I told them how much I dreaded having to move away. It's not an adventure. There is no way for me at this point in my life to look at this transplant journey and be excited about it. I am terrified.
I don't want to move out of Arizona, the place where I was born and grew up. I don't want to be away from my siblings that I get to see everyday and laugh with. I don't want to live with only one parent at a time, and I don't want to subject my siblings to that either. I don't want to get sick and have to stop going to school. I don't want to move away from all my friends and never get to see them. I don't want to spend months or maybe even years waiting across the country from those who love me. I don't want to be stuck in a hospital bed for months on end, bored and lonely. It's not exciting having IVs in you. It's not exciting being hooked up to monitors 24/7. Being away from your home and all your loved ones is not some great adventure. The very real possibility of dying is not exciting.
I know though that so often people don't know what to say in moments like these. They don't want me to think they pity me. But they also don't want to add to the fear by adding, 'Wow that's scary.' But here's some advice if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone tells you some big news like needing a transplant. Ask us how we feel about it. So much of the time I feel as if I have to smile and reassure people that it's going to be all okay. But truth be told, I know that this road is long for me and if you just ask me how I feel about it - I would appreciate it so much. I hide a lot of my fear and worries, so when given the chance to vent and get it all off my chest, it is so appreciated.
Hope and Love,