Showing posts with label scared. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scared. Show all posts

I Thought I Had Dimensia!

Hi guys.
 
Ever since about May, I have been having memory problems. At first it would start out  with small things, like forgetting when I was supposed to meet up with a friend or I'd forget where I put my wallet. Then things started to get progressively worse. I have never been a scatter brain and have always been pretty good when it comes to remembering things. But my mom noticed a change too, she even told me, "Becca, you're kind of becoming a scatter brain!" and we laughed it off... but soon it wasn't funny anymore.

I have been in school for three weeks and I can't remember my schedule. Mom would ask me when a certain class was, and I would tell her a certain time because that's what I thought it was, but once I went and re-checked my schedule, I was wrong. I got two of my classes mixed up, thinking that one started at 2:30 when it really started at 1:30. We thought, well maybe since its a new thing that I have to remember, it'll just take some time. But we found out that I am forgetting to do stuff or forgetting whether or not I have done things that I have been doing for years. For example: I can't remember whether or not I have taken my medication or remember to take them period. I have never had a problem with remembering my medication, and I know how important they are for me so the fact that I may forget them and think I have taken them; I will eventually get worse because I haven't had the medication I need. Ontop of that, I remember to turn my oxygen on at night but when I wake up in the morning and the oxygen is on my floor and not on my face, I can't remember whether or not I even put it on the night before or if it just fell off during the night. And its not like any of this medical stuff that I do is a new routine, I have been doing all these things since I was baby and have never had a problem with it.

Yesterday we went to my primary care doctor and he ran a few tests to test my fine motor skills, balance and stuff like that. He said he would check the list of medications I take (I take 45 pills a day!) to see if any of those could be the cause of it, but he thought that stress and/or depression could be the cause of me forgetting things. But I pointed out to him, I have always been aware of my feelings. When I start to feel depressed or stressed, I am the first person to know so me being subconsciously depressed or stressed didn't seem like it was possible. Well he sent us off and promised to check the medications. We were on our way home when he called not even an hour later and told my mom that the medication I take for my irregular heart beats has the potential to cause memory loss. The article he found said that '3 - 40% of patients suffer from memory loss'.

This is the same medication that caused my Thyroid to become a problem. We have tried to take me off of this medication before and put me on a different one. But without this medication, I started to have the irregular heart beats once more and that is why I had to go back on this medication, which has now caused me to have memory problems.

Not this Thursday but the Thursday after this one, I will be going up to California to see the doctors up there. We will talk to the arrythmia doctor and see what our options are because me forgetting things, especially important things like taking my medication and wearing oxygen at night is not healthy for me. And its intruding on my life. If I can't remember when classes are or when I need to meet a friend for lunch, it clearly interferes with it and it is getting so frustrating for me and my family. The other night, we were talking about how I couldn't even remember my schedule and I just had to sit down and cry because I'm not used to being like this and I don't like how it makes me look irresponsible to others who don't know what is going on with me.

Has anyone else had memory loss or memory problems from some of their medication? If so, what did you do to conter it or help it get better? I'd love some tips and prayers.

Thanks,
Becca

Quick Update

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to give you guys a quick update about the heart cath and pacemaker replacement I got a few weeks ago. During the cath, I had a horrible asthma attack and they had to give me a bunch of asthma medications while I was still sedated. The doctors took a look at some of the pressures in my heart and they aren't too happy about them. They are hoping though that it was just because I had eaten a bunch of salt the night before (I splurged! Haha.) and because of the difficulty with my asthma. I have to go and get a CT scan in a few weeks to see if the numbers have gotten any better since than. I am back on my low salt diet and I am really monitoring my asthma closely now. I just hope that the numbers weren't "real" as the doctors liked to say. I'd really appreciate your thoughts during this time. If the numbers are "real" and my heart is getting worse, than the next step is to go back and talk with the transplant doctor and I am not ready for that step. Not ready at all. I like to think that I handle this kind of stuff pretty well, but when it comes to the idea of getting a transplant, I don't know how to deal with it at all. So I'd love to be able to put it off as long as possible. I want to thank you guys for being there for me through all of this, I really appreciate it.

Hope and Love,
Becca

Want to go Home

Hey guys,
Today I leave for California around 6 pm. The original plan was to have me home by Saturday at some point since my surgery was on Thursday. But my mom got an e-mail from the doctor today and she said that they want me to stay even longer. I have to spend the night on Saturday (not sure if its in the hospital or just in town.) because they want to make sure I am doing okay. I haven't even left yet and I already come home... I'm not ready for this surgery. Not ready and I don't want it. I put off packing my airplane bag until today. I keep thinking maybe if I don't pack or if I put off packing till the last minute, we won't go. But I know that won't happen. 


I'm not scared of dying because I really don't think I will. I'm scared of something going wrong and I'll have to stay there even longer than we planned. I'm scared of missing out on life again. Sixth and eighth grade I was really sick and I was in and out of the hospital so much during that time. I missed out on life and now that I am healthy, I don't want to go back to that. I feel so great that I hate even the idea of being cooped up in a hospital room. I have a job, I am in school, I have a life. I don't want to miss out on that even for a few days. I feel so normal,why can't my health just let me feel that way and leave me alone? 


Dreading Leaving, 
Becca 
 
My Life As A Chronically
Ill Young Adult
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