Scar Comment. . . Again?!

Hi Everyone,
So it would appear that my scar has been getting a lot of attention lately. More so than it has in the years past, which at first seemed a bit odd to me. I live with this particuliar scar for 6 years (I have had a scar down my chest my whole life) and when I first got it it was extremely bumpy, bright pink and raised. Now, it is smoother, a lighter pink and not nearly as raised as it once was; but it seems to be that it is getting more attention now than it had when I first got it.


Yesterday was a half day and I went to a Sweet 16 Birthday party for a friend of mine that I know from heart camp. It was a lot of fun, Make A Wish did an amazing job with the girl's birthday party. I was standing with three other girls at the dessert table (we all went to camp together and have some sort of scar on our chests.) A lady came up and asked how we knew the birthday girl.
"We met her at heart camp." My friends replied with a smile.
"Oh, how lovely! You all have your cute little scars!" The lady returned happily. The four of us girl just chuckled and looked at one another awkwardly before making our exit towards our table.
"I don't know about you guys, but my scar is not little, or cute." I told my friends with a chuckle and we all shared a laugh. When I told my mom about this incident in the car ride home, she and I shared another round of laughter. While the lady's comment was not  meant to be rude or mean, it still showed a lack of sensitivity towards my body and my friends'. It occured to me though, that perhaps the lady said what she said because she didn't know what to say. Mayb she had wanted to ask us about our health, about our surgeries; but wasn't sure if she could, so she said the first that popped into her mind. . . and it ended up being a bit odd and insensative.

 
The other scar incident happened after school, I was sitting with a girl while we both waited for our rides to come and pick us up from school. I have sat with this girl after school the whole year and while we aren't best friends who hang out on the weekends; we do talk everyday and get along very well. We had been talking about something funny and after the laughter had died down the girl turned to look at me before speaking.


"Can I ask you something? I don't want to make you mad or hurt your feelings, but I'm just curious." She explained to me.
'Here it comes. She is going to ask about my health.' I thought to myself. I can always tell when people are going to ask a question about my health. Almost everyone starts off with 'I don't want to be rude, but can I ask you something?' Given the last two people's insensative remarks about my scar, the fact that she checked to make sure she could ask or talk about my scar before doing so made me smile with appreciation. This girl was curious (which I don't blame her) , but she was sensative and respectful towards me.
"Sure, go ahead." I told her with a nod of my head.
"Where did you get that?" She asked, trailing her own finger up and down her chest; indicating where the scar would be on her if she had one that was like mine. I find it a bit funny at how people point or gesture to their own chests when they talk about my scar. Maybe its because their mom's warnings of 'It's not nice to point.' stuck with them from childhood. But in all honesty, if they pointed to my scar while asking a respectful, sensative question; I wouldn't mind. It actually bugs me a bit when they point to their own chests. I'm not sure why. I know it's not reasonable. But it does. It makes me think 'I know where my scar is located, you don't need to demonstrate where it would be on you.' The thought 'I know what you're refering to.' also pops into my mind when people do that. But I just brush the gesture off, I know its just a habit and something people do; generally not meant to be rude or mean.
"I had open heart surgery." I explained to the girl.
"Oh I'm so sorry. When?"
"My last open heart surgery was in 6th grade. I've had 4 all together."
"Will it always look like that?"
The question was blunt and she didn't mean it to be rude or mean, but it made my suddenly self-conscious. 'Look like that' I wanted to say 'Look like what? Bright pink? Bumpy? Ugly? Yea, it will.' But I didn't because it would've been rude.
"Over time it will go down. When I first got it, it was hot pink, really bumpy and raised. But over the years it has gone down so it's not as raised and the color has gotten lighter. But I will always have the scar." I explained to the girl.
"Oh..." There was a long pause as the girl took in the inforamtion. "Can I touch it?" She asked finally. That was a question that caught me off gaurd. A 15 year old high school student asking to touch my scar. I am used to 5 year olds asking, but not teenagers. I told her yes and she reached over and ran her pointer finger down it slowly, petting me.
"Does it hurt?" She asked as she stared at the scar, tracing her finger dow it.
"Nope. I don't really feel it. Like I know you're touching it and I feel some pressure, but I don't feel the skin to skin feeling I would if you were to touch my arm or something." I explained to her. Thankfully my mom pulled up right then and I jumped up from my seat and grabbed my bag. "Have a good break." I told the girl.
"Thanks. Sorry if that was awkward or rude." She apologized.
"Oh, no worries. I'm used to it. Besides, you weren't rude or anything about it. You were curious, that's all. I actually like it when people ask questions about my scar, that way I can raise awarness about heart defects." I explained to her.
"That's a good way to look at it." She said with a smile. I nodded and said bye once more before climbing into the car where I told my mom about how the 15 year old girl asked to touch my scar. She thought it was a bit odd and funny aswell.

"It's odd Becca, how many people you have had comment or ask questions about your scar in just two weeks or so." My mom pointed out to me later that night.
"Yea, I wonder why it is." I commented. 
"You should put on your blog a 'Scar Comment' sidebar, keeping count of the number of comments you've had and what they are." My mom suggested. And with that, I crawled in bed and slept silently.

While the events were a bit awkward and some parts of them were not very sensative, these comments didn't leave me feeling mad, hurt and completely uncomftorable in my own skin.
I posted on my Facebook status that my camp friends and I should buy shirts that say 'No You Can Not Touch!' It would be funny to see if people understand what we are talking about.

Anymore Comments? Lol,
Becca

Sensitivity

Hi Everyone,

This weekend I did what the average teenager does over the weekend. I went to a surprise 18th birthday party for a friend of mine, and then the next day I went shopping for a prom dress with my friends. While I enjoyed being able to enjoy the "normal" teen life and I had a lot of fun, there was an incident that happened that I'd like to share with you all. At the birthday party I was sitting with a group of girls, there were 4 in all with myself included. The conversation was going well and we were all laughing about some joke someone had said when a girl in the group; we will call her “Not-So-Sensitive-Girl” A.K.A. “NSSG” asked me a personal question. “Becca do you wear push up bras?” Asked the NSSG. I thought this question was a bit awkward to be asking period, let alone at a party, with other people listening. Blushing, I responded with;


“I don’t really know. . . I guess I have one or two . . . why?” NSSG nodded a bit at my response; supposedly happy with my reply. But then she commented:


“So you don’t mind drawing attention to your scar?” I have had people ask me questions about my scar all the time. ‘How did you get that?’ ‘Does it hurt if I touch it?’ ‘Will it get better?’ Or even the occasional ‘Can I touch it?!’ But I have never had someone ask me if I was comfortable with “drawing” attention to it. NSSG pointed to her own chest and drew a line with her finger; clearly indicating where the scar on my body is (incase I didn’t know!) and kind of chuckled at her un-sensitive question.


First off, let me say; I have never had to draw attention to my scar. It draws attention all on its own! Secondly, I know where the scar is on my body; thank you very much. And thirdly, I consider myself someone who can laugh at themselves. I will make fun of myself; I will even make fun of my own voice (that is deeper and raspier than most girls) and sing horrifically on purpose. But there are some “jokes” that you should never ever say to someone. So what did I say to NSSG? I chuckled and just shrugged before replying: “Well at least with my scar I can assume that guys are just looking at my scar instead of being pervs and looking someplace else.” This got a good laugh out of the group of girls, including the NSSG. But I really wanted to say: “Why would I mind drawing attention to it? I’m not ashamed of it. It’s part of who I am. It saved my life.” But instead of confrontation I decided to just brush it off.


I still don’t understand why people say the things they say. Maybe they aren’t thinking before they speak. I’m not sure, but I do know that I want people to realize that words; even if you don’t mean them in a rude or nasty way, they can and do hurt people. And they do make people feel uncomfortable and sometimes even ashamed of not only themselves but their own body.

While I would be the first person to say ‘Oh she didn’t mean any harm by it and she just wasn’t thinking before she spoke.’ I don’t think this was the case with NSSG. She and I have had a few problems in the past week or so (I will not go into specifics), so I can’t help but think that perhaps this girl was trying to hurt me. Trying to get some type of negative reaction out of me.

But she didn’t. And she won’t, and neither will anyone else who tries to verbally assault me about my health, how my voice sounds and how my body looks. I have fought to live and the scars on my body are literally battle scars that I have gotten during my fight for life.

Sometimes, I at time don’t like how my body looks. There are times when I wear a bathing suit in public and I can’t help but feel insecure when I look at all the girls who have chests without a bright pink scar going down the middle. But I have grown to accept my scar and how my body looks. It has taken me a while to get to where I am today. Do I like my scar? Heck no. But I am glad I have it, because it means I am alive.

My mom has always told me: “It’s what’s on the inside that counts.” And growing up it was always hard to really think good thoughts about myself, especially with the media and our society pushing it on girls that they have to look a certain way. But now that I am older, I can finally see that I am a pretty girl, both inside and out, and yes even with my bright pink, bumpy scar. I am much more concerned however, with who I am on the inside, and I think if people focused more on that; than this world would be a way better place.

To the people out there who have something that they dislike about themselves physically, (and let’s face it, everyone does!) you are beautiful. Don’t ever let anyone ever tell you otherwise. If I can look at myself in the mirror every morning and smile to myself and feel confident wearing a low cut shirt to a school filled with narrow-minded, harsh and judging kids, then you can feel confident with yourself too.

When I came home and told this story to my mom, she told that I should share it with you all. She said it would be good to spread awareness about being sensitive towards others and what he/she are going thru. While I completely understand five year olds coming up and pointing to my scar and saying ‘Wow that’s weird looking.’ I don’t think its appropriate for people over the age of eight to be saying that to people about their physical appearance. So parents, please teach you kids about sensitivity towards others. And to the adults, who are reading this, please remember to exercise sensitivity in your daily life.
I’d like to ask you guys to share your story/stories about a time when perhaps someone was not sensitive to you or someone you know about his/her physical appearance. How did you handle it? What did you say to them? How did it effect you?

We Are All Beautiful,
Becca



I decided to post a picture of my scar with this blog entry to show you guys what the scar looks like. I wanted to post this to not only show that I am indeed not ashamed of it, but also so if there are any parents out there with little kids who have a heart defect, you can show your kids that there is someone else out there who has a scar and that they are not alone.

Kids and Kindness

Hi Everyone,

I grew up in a time where the nice kids out numbered the mean kids. I grew up in a time (not too long ago.) where elementary school was a fun place where everyone was friends with everyone. It seems now though, that my little sister does not live in a time where kids are nice to one another anymore.

It has occured to me how mean kids can be and how mean they really are. It's moved beyond making fun of kids for glasses. Instead its clique of girls or boys who pick on anyone just because they are "different." While I expect it from high schoolers who think they know it all, it is heartbreaking to me to hear that it is happening in elementary school where kids are so impressionable at their young age.

When I grew up there were kids who would make comments about me or make fun of me. But my friends out numbered the bullies. But I realize that there are kids who have no friends to lean on because people in general (and the kids) have become so judgemental of one another. There is no acceptance or understanding for those who are different. I feel that one of the reasons I'm here is so I can make a change in the world. And I think one of the changes I want to make is how people treat one another. From age 2 all the way up age 100. No one should ever treat another humanbeing as if their feelings don't matter. No one should ever treat someone else as less than or un-worthy. No one is better than another person. No one.

I want to ask all the parents out there to sit down with their kids, wether they are 5 or 17. Talk to them about bullying. Tell them how much it hurts people and tell them that they need to stand up to those who bully others. Tell them that if they see a kid who is "different" that they need to be kind to that person.
There is a girl at my school who everyone makes fun of. She is a bit odd and I think maybe she has some emotional problems due to her homelife and what not. But I always say hi to her and give her a smile because I may be the one person that day who is kind to her. I may be the one person who gives her a smile and lets her know that I accept her and care for her. Whenever I see this girl I remember this quote: "Be kinder than ncessary for everyone you meet is facing some type of battle." I don't know what goes on in other peopel's lives, so I try to be as understanding and loving of people as I can be.

To the kids who are reading this blog. . . be kind to one another. Is it truly that hard to accept others for who they are? What gives you the right to cause someone else pain? How would you feel if someone was talking horribly about you, or being cruel to you? 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'


Be Kind and Understanding,
Becca

P.S. I'd like to ask you guys to share a story about bullying. Could be one that happened to you or someone you know. Share the story and get awarness out there that bullying needs to stop. We can make a difference, one story at a time.

Doctor Visit

Hi Everyone,

I got back from my California last night. Our plane was delayed so I didn't get home till around 10:30 PM. My doctor appointment was pretty un-eventful, which is a good thing. They took me off of one of my medicines and put me on another, since the previous one I was on could cause lung problems along with Thyroid problems; hopefully with that medicine out of my system my Thyroid will go back to normal. Other than that, there were no changes. My pressures were still 80 - 85 (a normal person's Pulmonary Pressures are 10-15!) At some point they may take me off of another medicine and replace it with another; but at this time, they are not doing that.

I got to meet a little girl from California who has the exact same thing as me. She is 8 years old and had her 4th open heart surgery about a week or so ago. She was adorable. =) I always love meeting little kids who have heart defects because seeing an older kid with their defect really helps give them and their families hope. If I was able to grow up, then their kid may be able to as well. And I know that kids with heart defects need as much hope and help they can get. When I was talking to her about camp, how we both had Pic Lines at some point in our life and how we both have scars; she just randomly came up a hugged me tightly around the legs. I leaned down and wrapped her up in my arms. Later on the nurse talked to my mom and told us that the girl was extremely shy, so it was amazing how she felt so safe and comfortable with hugging me after she just met me.
Its tough being chronically ill, but if I can give a kid some hope and realize that she will be able to lead a relatively normal life, then I don't mind having a chronic illness.

Love and Hope,
Becca

Walk For Life

Hey everyone,

Today my family and I went to St. Mathew's church for a walk down to the State Capitol. It was at 9 o'clock in the morning and it is calling on Govenor Jan Brewer to reverse the life ending budget cuts to govermental funded health care. (Such as AHCCCS) The peaceful walk was put together by The Dream of Life Coalition. This is a group of individuals is an organization to help those living with chronic illnesses, and help support those in need of transplants.
They handed us all crosses that said 'AHCCCS-Denied.' The crosses stand for the people who will die because of the budget cuts to the trasnplant budget program. As we walked towards the State Capitol, several cars honked to let us know they were supporting us. There were people who would give us thumbs up or tell us 'God Bless You.'
The sign that I decided to carry said 'Don't Let Us Die.' As I held the sign in my hand and walk side by side with people going through the same, terrifying, saddening and heartbreaking experience that me and my family go through, it gave me shivers to know; that I am not alone. I know that there are people out there who actually care. Who value human life.
I know that there are some people who will disagree with my stand on this. But I won't back down. I believe that all life has value and like the Constitution says, we all have 'The righ to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.' But life foremost. I find it telling, that even back when the founders of our nations started out; they knew that Life was the most important right to give to us. Why don't others? For those who disagree, I'd like to ask you; who are you to say that my life some day and countless of other Arizonian's lives aren't worth saying?
And to Jan Brewer; how many more people have to die before you realize what you are doing to the people of this state?
Love and Hope,
Becca Atherton
 
My Life As A Chronically
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